“Well, I don’t want good and I don’t want good enough… I don’t want easy, I want crazy.”
– “I Want Crazy” by Hunter Hayes
The only way to describe today was with one of my recent favorite songs, “I Want Crazy” by country artist Hunter Hayes. I’ve realized in my life that nothing is ever normal. My life and I have never been what’s classified as “average.” This I sometimes resent, but for today I am thankful.
It’s no secret I’m generally a rather shy and awkward person who gets myself into messes it generally takes a miracle to get myself out of. This morning, as my sister and I were standing in the commons area waiting for the bell to ring, I realized, being the huge dummy that I am, I had forgotten my lunch. My very caring sister gave me her apple, and I planned to fill up with my HUGE water bottle. That was my plan for this surely less-than-fantastic day.
First period was guitar. Earl (my guitar) and I headed down the too long a walk to the band room, only to discover that the teacher is still out with his wife who just had a baby last week. The class had a sub for a sub, so there were no lesson plans, and we were set loose to do what we could with our guitars. You know what I can do with my guitar? Nothing.
So, I shut Earl back in his case and pulled out my English book to study for my vocabulary test. Alone and quiet again. Great fun. After a while, I headed to the bathroom for just a second and a reality check. Looking in the mirror, I took a deep breath and remembered the decision I’d made this weekend: I wanted to trust God completely in everything and desire only Him, even if it was crazy (“I don’t want easy, I want crazy,” I had prayed, knowing that things of God don’t often make sense or are simple). I went back out, finished my studying, and pulled out my notebook.
Hiding within the pages of my notebook is a habit I have long entertained. I love to write; it’s the reason I’m taking guitar in the first place. I want to be able to put music to songs I write (Swiftie much?). So, I was just writing away, and eventually I finished and put my pen down for a second. “Are you writing songs?” one of the girls sitting near me asked.
“Well, yeah,” I replied quietly. She, her friend, and I discussed writing for a few minutes before the girl asked if she could see one of my songs. I hesitantly turned my page to a completed one and handed it to her. As she read, her friend was playing a Hunter Hayes song from her iPod. I commented that I loved Hunter, and we talked about him.
Handing my notebook back to me, the other girl asked if I sang the songs I wrote. I told her not really, and that was why I was learning guitar. “I want to hear you sing,” she said. I eventually complied, softly singing part of Hunter’s “I Want Crazy.”
“Let’s all sing it!” the friend with the iPod said, playing the song. So, the three of us sat in a circle, quietly singing Hunter Hayes songs while everyone else who could actually play guitar was in their own world. A few of the guys laughed at us, but we didn’t care. It was pretty fun 🙂
After guitar was geometry. We are learning basic constructions, and I do mean basic. This was literally pre-algebra stuff for me, and this is supposed to be the honors class. So, I have little homework that shouldn’t take me long. Let me tell you, I much prefer this geometry to the Algebra II I had last year. I cannot graph for my life.
Third period I had English and that vocabulary test I’d been studying for. I could have kicked myself when it was over because one question I thought I didn’t have the right answer to I actually had known. Haha pains of those who care too much 🙂 But the rest of English was review about gerunds, again. I answered one question right aloud, and the football player beside me cheered for me again. He makes class interesting…
Then was my lunchtime dilemma. I had no food and no friends. However, as I came to realize today, God loves me enough to have everything under control. Remember what I said earlier about things of God not making sense? Well, so, during geometry there was an announcement about something called “Girl Talk” that would be held in a classroom during lunch. There would be food, so I went.
It turned out to be a Youth for Christ led weekly girls’ Bible study. I think I may continue going. Funny how God used something as irritating as forgetting my lunch (and having no money to purchase one 🙂 ) to answer one of my hardest and longest prayers of the summer- to somehow find Him in public school. And I think I may have 🙂
By the end of the day, I was so ready to just grab Earl and get on that bus. Laying with my head against his case and my iPod playing Hunter Hayes into my ears, I had one of those “how different my life is now” moments. Yeah, it’s not easy, and it’s been crazy, but with God leading, how could it not be incredible?
So, in life, never settle for good enough or even good. Seek God first and look for the crazy. The things that make sense and are safe aren’t from Him, it’s the crazy, just- trust-Me-with-your-life, faith alone kinds of things that make life worth living. I don’t know about you, but I sure want crazy.
“Are you with me baby? Let’s be crazy!”
Stay strong and fearless,